have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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