Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months