Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?