At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.