I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.