i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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