I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
