Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
