were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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