She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
