the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
