The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Randomize
