Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
