Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
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The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
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I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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