No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
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He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
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For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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