I heard we made out
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
