Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My feet surprised me
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
