I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
