Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
As shirtless as possible
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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