i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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