it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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