Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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