just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
