Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
