I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
