you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
