I think i peed on brittanys purse
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
