btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
