The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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