Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
