Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Are we still banned from the library?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
