need another drink. this is the easiest way
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
