wat bout pragnant strippers??
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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