What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
