i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
