his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
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