Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
