it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he fucked my hip out of place.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
