I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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