I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
