you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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