just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
