this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
