I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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