I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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