remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
