He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
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Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
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Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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