I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
