So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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