don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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