What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
