I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
