Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
