I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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