I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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