i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
