Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
