Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She said her name was "party"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize
