FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Randomize
