It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
