oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
