We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
