Someone shit on the floor
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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