ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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