just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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