Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
