Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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