I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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