Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
