i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
