you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
