I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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