he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
