Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
