I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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