im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
it's great music for shaving your balls
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
